You know this thing where you never really understand the depth of what people are talking about till you experience it? It has finally gotten to my doorstep.
It’s 3 am and look at what I’m up writing about.
I have over the years, had friends “japa” during the “japa” and “new dispensation wave” and while I felt like a part of me was taken away, I got over it as fast as I could but recently, I have had to say goodbye to two very close friends. Two people in two weeks.
If you were ever around during my early blogging days, you would remember how I used to write about my friends and how much I adored them, and how I was excited to do life with them because we were perfect for each other. Right? Right. My friends and I at no point, in those days talked about relocation. We figured that we would travel a lot but we would always come back home.
Last year, a couple of my close friends started toying with the idea of leaving and it sounded like a joke. You see, I love to live in complete denial. If it doesn’t happen in my head, it doesn’t exist so, in denial, I dwelled. My friends gave constant updates, they were not the kind of people to hide their plans, they trusted us enough to give us updates and what did I do when I was getting those updates? I tuned out. I would give occasional nods here and there, throw in a bit of “nawa o” for effect and then find a window to change the subject.
About a week ago, I had to painfully host a goodbye hangout for one of my closest friends who was relocating to Canada. It was quite an emotional one and while I tried not to cry because I figured that if he was really leaving, it was for the best. I still didn’t think it was real because the part of me that dwelled in denial was fighting reality and I assumed that it was just a big long dream that I was going to wake up from but a few days later, he was at Murtala Muhammed Airport saying his goodbyes and it became real all of a sudden.
I was on the phone saying bye to one of the friends I had known for as long as eight years.
I was happy until I wasn’t. I was happy because it was a “calm down, you have escaped” situation because if we’re keeping it a buck, patriotism is not “giving” again. To be patriotic from a distance is where it’s at now.
Side note: I’ve been trying to edit the goodbye hangout video for the past week but I’ve been struggling. I’ll do everything I can to finish editing it.
Exactly a week after, Ruth organized another hangout for our friend who was also living. I found myself hosting this one again and at a point, I stood akimbo and made a joke about how I was turning out to be a Japa Mc, it was funny but it really wasn’t. While we were in the middle of that one, I got a text from another friend whom I had known for as long as the same eight years saying she was leaving.
In less than two months, I would have lost three friends to “the Abroad” while waiting till December to lose another one. How many friends do I have that I’ll be losing because things have refused to work here?
I’m exhausted. We don’t speak enough about the toll this thing takes on us, the travelers, and the ones left behind. I read an article on the toll relocation has on friendships and relationships a few weeks ago and was somehow comforted because I and the rest of my friendship circle weren’t the only ones feeling the brunt of this new development but it’s worse. The feeling is worse than I can put into words.
I’m genuinely happy for my friends and I will never stop rooting for them. If you’re in my shoes, I’m sending you the biggest hugs I can muster. You’re not alone.
Super side note: I’m up writing this at 3 am but you’ll receive it at 9 am because I want you to be awake when it’s hitting your mailbox. Thank you for reading this, I feel lighter mostly because I was carrying the guilt of not writing to you for months. Thank you for always sticking by me.
I’m sending so much love to you, your siblings and your dad. This thing is so hard
Hi Osas, I felt this but related to my siblings leaving. I grew up in a large family(13 siblings) and I never thought I would ever have to say goodbye to any of them, I always thought we would all live close to each other and would just be able to drop in whenever we could. Now we are all scattered around the world. Two of my siblings left this year. My younger brother just left this month and my older sister left a few months ago. To be honest, after the first 2 of my siblings left years ago, I think I learnt how to tune it out and not feel sad because, to be honest, I also left home for school. The person I know it hurt the most has to be my dad, who had to watch most of his kids leave. There were times he would even call my siblings and tell them to consider coming back and, in his famous words, “did someone tell you people you wouldn’t make it in Nigeria” lol. My sister, who left a few months ago, told him she was leaving and I feel he just tuned it out and acted like it wasn't happening. She would tell him she was leaving and he would just act like it wasn't happening until the day she was leaving. You could see how sad he was, but at the end of the day he knows they left to have better lives. Anyhoo you really wrote how I felt and I absolutely love your newsletters💜. A way I console myself is to just say I need to make a lot of money so I can visit them wherever they are in the world lol.