It will end in tears

ansofokwat?

I really do not remember the first time someone used the phrase “It will end in tears” on me but I remember how I felt that day. I had only just posted pictures of my current partner and I on my small twitter account, I didn’t expect it to get a lot of attention because like I said, it was on my small twitter account but one retweet from my partner and “everywhere burst”. My phone didn’t stop buzzing, I kept getting comments wishing us the best until I got the one that scattered my head.

Someone boldly commented “it will end in tears” under the post and I was so lost because I knew I didn’t do anything to deserve that but it got progressively worse because it had seemed like that singular comment opened doors for the rest of the “it will end in tears” merchants. They came out enmasse to ensure that I knew that they wanted it to end in tears. I got messages from other women assuring me that they had their eyes on us and they weren't going to hesitate to swoop to “take over” the moment they smelt trouble. It didn’t make any sense to me because the young man was single before he met me but he wasn’t desired enough to be moved to. I became really annoyed because they really had no reason to say all of that but they did anyway.

Every step I took after that was calculated to ensure that nothing ended in tears including making sure that I didn’t consciously post pictures of my partner and I on the timeline because I was scared of people that probably couldn’t talk to me in real life, I was hell bent on proving that it wasn’t going to end in tears at the expense of actually living in the moment and enjoying what I had at that time. It was also largely influenced by the fact that my previous relationships had ended in tears and I didn’t want this one to until I couldn’t keep up anymore. When the realisation that I was letting my decisions be influenced by ill mannered strangers on the internet hit me, I drew my own ears, sat myself down and gave myself a pep talk.

A lot of people, like me have been conditioned to look forward to things ending horribly that when things go right, we’re in so much shock and instead of being happy, we begin to question whether or not we deserve good things and whether or not, that win was going to be permanent. We begin to ask what we did to deserve good things which makes me wonder whether we really go into things with hopes that they fail.

Ansofokwat if whatever you’re doing currently ever ends in tears? it wouldn't be the first thing to end in tears neither was it going to be the last. What even is the guarantee that even if it ends at all, it is going to end in tears? Why do we think they can never end for us to level up to something better?

I was with someone who lived in the moment and I was weighing both of us down with ensuring that everything went my way. Once I decided that “if e spoil, e spoil”, I became more open minded and a more beautiful version of myself, everything else in my life started to fall into place because I wasn’t worried about anything spoiling midway into my participation, I was just willing to enjoy everything as they came seeing that nothing was permanent anyway.

As I prepare to post my partner on his birthday in a few days, as per usual, while I do not look forward to the negativity merchants, I really do hope that Chase and every other person in that bubble are in a better place. I also do hope that you reading this are in a place good enough to realise that you deserve to enjoy things. Don’t let anybody project their shortcomings onto you.

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